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Mar. 22nd, 2005 @ 10:09 pm .
Sadness weighs me down with doubt and darkness as images of death and self reign supreme and i feel fell upon my own flesh and being. A destructive drive turns on somewhere in my mind in places i thoguht no longer exists and takes over my entire being, turning finally in upon itself. the image of rended flesh belittles the actual pain that encompases the whole, only helping instead to defy the nature of the moment. screams muffled by tears flowing into the red puddle of living warmth gathering around me. chaos calling from the darkness defied only by the memory of a reflected light which itself is half a figment of my cognitive creation, dimming, then dying as i do myself.
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Oct. 16th, 2004 @ 04:06 am (no subject)
She said that time was unfair to a women her age, now that the wisdom has come, everything else fades, she said she realizes shes seen her better days, she siad she cant look back to her days of youth, when what she thought were lies she later found was truth, She said her daddy had dreams but he drank them all away, and her mothers to blame for the way she is today, but lifes river shall wise, and she siad only the strong shall survive, and she said, but im feeling quite weak, and she said, "will you comfort and forgive me", she said shes still searching for salvations light, and she wishes all day and she prays all night, and she said she wont speak of love for a love shes never known, and its moments like these she hates to be alone.

"and i wont speak of love, for a love ive never known"
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Oct. 14th, 2004 @ 01:09 am on teeth
Teeth, something that some civilizations dont even care about, but alas, here we are in america, where a stress fracture gotten 5 years ago can lead to a 705 dollar procedure, which while only takeing an hour, is a month of me working, to perform. in which entails, drilling out the 3 canals of my poor dead tooths roots, replacing wiht a rubber cement and metal rods and capping with steel, fuck me, and make it hurt.

and oh how it is he is amazed that i am not in constant pain, but what i did not share upon him is the knowledge the prodding felt kind of good, so yeah..

but heres the twisted part, all of that, and more, i dont care about, i simply dont, ive got more apathy than a bottle of prozac.

i have no real insights for the night, and there for nothing to type

No dreams, no wishes, no real wants, no fun, no hate, no pain, no sadness, no depression, no love?..... no life... -Anastrianna
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Oct. 10th, 2004 @ 12:39 am In boredom do i crawl back to you
A SHOCK!!!! a second update, a sign that I care? not particularly. something to cure my boredom? I doubt...Anything to write about? Not at all... But thats a point in life, to not be planned, to not be prepared, were it not for taking as it comes, then there would ve only boredom, or worse, pure complacantcy.

im question to the world, not an answer to be heard, or a moment thats held in your arms, and what do you think youd ever say? I wont listen anyway, you dont know me, and i will never be what you want me to be. and what do you think youd unders stand? not a boy im a man, you cant take me and throw me away, and how can you learn whats never shown, you just stand here on you own, you dont know me, im not here, cause i want a moment to be real, want to touch things i dont feel, i want to hold on and feel i belong, and how can the world want me to change theyre the ones that stay the same, cant break me as long as i know who i am. cant tell me who to be, they cant tell me who to be, cause im not what they see, and the world is still sleeping while i keeping dreaming for me, and their words are just whispers and lies that i will never believe


but anyway im sitting here, and im looking up at the stars, and i start to wonder... where the fuck is my ceiling?....
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Oct. 8th, 2004 @ 12:59 am howdy
Maybe this attempt will actually work for the update. Im not writing this in some illusion to myself that perhance anyone really cares about my life, nor to target any individual with love or hate, nor with any thought in mind that this means anything, or that i shall change a persons life, nor in the end of things do i speculate any of this will matter to anyone, tis simply a requisition being answerd and therefore here it is. so here have a bundle of coinciding words and be joyous.

The first born, my heart will call Truly
A God-like boy of the sky
The fog hissed away like a movie
And serpents go home for the night
The thundercloud rain hits the freeway
The clowns put on makeup for show
The nightfall, my skin crawl kind of evening
Come dancing with devils
Need not to know their names
We'll waltz like an army
For the fear of our pain
Our souls become useless
As the day they were born
In a rusted arm rocking chair
Away from your storm
But still, the truth remains lethal
A lie made by man
Where my shoes become hammers
And my words become sand
Like a sour patch, a wedding batch
Of roses you threw across my floor
In the rusted arm rocking chair
Away from your storm

"first it is, that you take a step, and then another, and then suddenly the next will get you to where you are going. just one step, and the next will take you to where your going..." - Sister from Swan Song
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